I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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