some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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