It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
