I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
