I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm like, not good at living.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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