you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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