please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
