You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
