boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
