this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
