At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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