fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
