i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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