Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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