Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
