I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
