He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
