i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize