you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
