just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
