he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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