On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You are a genius and a whore.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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