Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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