AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
