It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
