the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
