It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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