This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
