You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
