With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
