Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i need some magic done to my vagina
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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