....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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