they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
