I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
