you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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