i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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