it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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