Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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