I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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