making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
