Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
