Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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