yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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