and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
