the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
True strength comes from lack of pants
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
