WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
