My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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