He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
