Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
