And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
