Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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