he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
