Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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