Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
