The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
