I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
