I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
