I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
