Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
