I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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