K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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