i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He kissed a someone with a penis
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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