Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
