Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
