Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
