On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize