i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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