That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
