I looked at my own cervix.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
