You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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