Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
