I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
