I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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