I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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