wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
