nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
