The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
